CANCER - Brain Tumours - If you are a friend or relative

CANCER - The Brain - If you are a friend or relative

Some families find it difficult to talk about cancer or share their feelings. The first reaction of many relatives is that the patient should not be told he or she has cancer. They may be afraid that the patient will be unable to cope with the news. If a decision is made not to tell, the family then has to cover up and hide information. These secrets within a family can be very difficult to keep and they can isolate the person with cancer. This can make him or her more frightened and can cause tension between family members. In any case, many people suspect their diagnosis, even if they are not actually told.

Relatives and friends can help by listening carefully to what, and how much, the person with cancer wants to say. Don't rush into talking about the illness. Often it is enough just to listen and let the person with cancer talk when he or she is ready.

Talking to children
Deciding what to tell your children about your cancer is difficult. How much you tell them will depend upon their age and how grown up they are. Very young children are concerned with immediate events. They don't understand illness and need only simple explanations of why their relative or friend has had to go into hospital or isn't his or her normal self. Slightly older children may understand a story explanation in terms of good cells and bad cells but all children need to be repeatedly reassured that the illness is not their fault because, whether they show it or not, children often feel they may somehow be to blame and may feel guilty for a long time. Most children over 10 years old can grasp fairly complicated explanations.

Adolescents may find it particularly difficult to cope with the situation because they feel they are being forced back into the family just as they were beginning to gain their independence.

An open, honest approach is usually the best way for all children. Listen to their fears and be aware of any changes in their behaviour. This may be their way of expressing their feelings. It may be better to start by giving only small amounts of information and gradually building up a picture of your illness. Even very young children can sense when something is wrong so don't keep them in the dark about what is going on. Their fears of what it might be are likely to be far worse than the reality.