Talking to your child
Behaving normally does not mean pretending that nothing serious is happening. Perhaps one of the hardest parts of caring for a child with cancer is knowing how to talk to him about it. Answering questions honestly is best, and although some children do not ask questions, this does not mean that they do not want the answers. They will be frightened and uncertain of many things. For younger children, separation from their parents is a major fear and they need reassurance that this will not happen. Older children are more frightened of pain. It can be helpful to reassure them that effective pain control is almost always possible. Doctors and nurses will be happy to explain how this can be managed and to reassure your child.

The family
Illness as serious as cancer is bound to have an effect on the whole family and you may find you are faced with new and difficult problems. Everyone will be worried and therefore under considerable stress.

Parents often find it hard to express their grief and fears to each other with the result that they bottle up their feelings, become tense and quarrel more than usual. If you can, try and talk to each other as openly as possible. Your other children may feel that they are being ignored and may become difficult. Of course, you will be giving a great deal of attention to your sick child and, if he is in hospital, spending a lot of time visiting. It can help ease tensions, however, if you plan some time with your other children when they can become the centre of your attention.

You may feel that you do not want to involve your own parents in your problems. As a result grandparents can feel left out. They are usually upset by your suffering and want to help in any way they are able to. If you can, bring them into discussions and suggest that they talk about your child to the hospital staff if they want to.

Health and comfort
Your child should be able to continue with most of his usual activities if he feels able to, so long as you are aware of some basic precautions. The hospital staff will give you guidance on anything you should do or anything you need to know with regard to your child's particular treatment.

You should not give your child any other drugs or medication while he is receiving cancer treatment without first discussing these with your child's doctors.

Remember, while your child is on treatment, vaccinations or immunisations must not be given.

School
It is important for your child to continue normal schooling and, for much of the time, there will be no limitation on his activities. Keep the head teacher informed of your child's illness and any side effects of treatment that he should know about. If your child is not immune to measles or chicken pox, ask to be informed when these illnesses are in your child's class. There is no reason why your child should not have treatment and complete his education, even though this may sometimes mean bringing work into hospital or arranging for some periods of home tuition. Most wards have teachers who give in-patients individual tuition.

Coping with your feelings
There is still a great fear of death when cancer is mentioned and most parents react to the diagnosis of their child's cancer in similar ways. They first of all have feelings of shock, fear, numbness and disbelief. Why us? is a common question to which there is no answer. They often want to deny that such a thing has happened and may take their child from one doctor to another.

As well as shock and disbelief, you may feel guilty. Most parents ask themselves if they could have prevented the cancer from happening. There is no evidence to suggest that this is the case.

While you are feeling unhappy you may want to avoid seeing friends and taking part in your usual social activities. This feeling is understandable, but it is better to fight it and to keep up with your usual interests so that your life remains as normal as possible. Some of your friends may not know what to say to you and it may be up to you to bring up the subject of your child's illness. Other friends may surprise you with their sympathy and understanding.

It may be helpful to talk about your feelings. You may wish to discuss things with people such as your doctor or the hospital social worker who will be familiar with your problems and can offer advice and support.